Wednesday, 22 August 2007

How to be a nice person...

Don't follow my example.

Fact: Playing with fire is dangerous but Oh so seductive...

The traditional love triangle has been replaced by a love parallelogram with attached venn diagrams... Everyone 'loves' at least two other people - some people know, others don't. It's all very complicated, and ultimately, somebody is going to get hurt... I don't really know how to get out from this tangled web we've woven, but the time has definitely come for damage control.

I spent yesterday with the one whose introduction into the group dynamic sparked all the complications. Realising at the end of our time together that I was being unfair and selfish if I stayed any longer - not only on him, seeing as I can see no future for us ( - I love him as a friend, find him attractive etc etc, but am In Love with one of his good friends and care more about the friends who are in love with him than about him... - ) - but on our mutual friends to whom any relationship beyond friendship of ours would be a kick in the gut.

There is something very tricky about navigating the waters of relationships between bisexual men and straight women - if a man is just gay or straight, they are easier to deal with; easier to trust. Revealing my soul to a guy who I thought had no ulterior motives - at the time misunderstanding his sexuality - I was setting myself up for this fall.

I wondered if I wished I could turn back time. If I would never have kissed any of them. If I would never have gotten involved, as a confidante, with any of them. If I would never have begun a relationship with a guy so emotionally damaged and insecure that I find myself acting like its his friend I'm in a relationship with, not him, in a bid to counterbalance my loss of control over the situation.

But I don't really wish any of that. I just wish there was a way to sort out the complications without a mess ensuing.

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