Popping in...

I had planned to post a tag-catch-up before now, but that's on the back burner 'til I can find my camera in the mess that is my room... 

Anyway, I was having a quick escape from dissertation pain to play on LookBook - my favourite of the Chictopia / Modepass etc type of site... And since my brain is too dead to do anything other than say... "I like." "Pretty." "Want dress." etc - in manner akin to Me Tarzan, You Jane / McQueen dress / Louboutin heels / vintage scarf etc, here is a quick stream of images that have made me smile and feel a tiny jolt of inspiration through my otherwise dead-brain:

- Can I please *be* this girl? She's so cute! And that skirt is calling out to me!

- Not exactly my style, but she looks so great, I'd think about rocking it... LOOK AT THOSE SHOES!!!

- Adorable yet naughty with those tights! Love the skinny belt over denim shirt... Wish I could ever find ones long enough to do that without revealing my arse to the world lol.

- LOVE this! Illustration as well as cute pic! Those tights are adorable, and I so want to read a kids book drawn like that... Now. Please. Thank you.

- Looks like such fun! I miss fun. I also NEED those shorts... I'm a sucker for red at the moment!

So there you have it... I popped in... Splurged my tiny little bit of current inspiration... Now I should go drink more red bull, and try to kick my brain into gear over my dissertation case studies... 

61.5 hours 'til IT'S ALL OVER! This makes me want to cry and laugh hysterically at the same time! ;-D Can't wait for the freedom to lie around on the backs, reading Murakami / Dante / Golding, procrastinating from revision, and laughing at my mates looking like complete idiots playing frisbee / croquet / strange made-up games that make no sense...

Xxxc

P.s. I'm trying to keep up with my Google Reader, but am epically behind on comments... Please forgive me, and I promise I'll be back and replying and generally being my usual hyperactive-blogging self! Honest!

P.p.s. Say hello on twitter! I'm constantly updating at the mo. Keeps me a tiny bit sane...

Apologies

Dear all,

Just a quick post to say sorry for absence this week. For anyone who ever notices me on Twitter, I'm currently in the midst of crazy dissertation-related-rush-breakdown-whatever and can be found, most days, in a sleep deprived me shaped puddle of brain-seeped-out-of-ears-goo in the same library chair. Lovely image huh.

Hopefully, if I get anything resembling a good night's sleep tonight, inspiration will strike / I'll catch up on a few tags / change out of jack wills trackies and old h&m strappies and into something more normal-functioning-me for photos, but for now, I just ask you to bear with me, keep checking back for posts and saying cheery hellos via comments and twitter. I need all the encouragement in the world at the mo...

Xxxc

P.s. Anyone in Cambridge or nearby... This Sunday is the CU Amnesty Fashion Show at the Cambridge Union. Lily Cole and Sam Roddick of Coco de Mer are speaking, T-B and I will be there as press, and there'll be lots of amaaaaazing clothes on show including Katherine Hamnett and Noir... Tickets are £15-£30 and goody bags can be purchased toooooooooooo! Go to www.cuamnestyfashionshow.com for more info!!! And, of course, I'll be blogging about it post-the-event!

P.p.s. Thanks everyone for the amazing comments on the last post, and support after I got my first hate-comment... I think I'm too brain dead at the moment to even register the "you need to lose 200 stones" and "replace your wardrobe" comment. It actually made me laugh. Isn't that just WIERD! :-D

Another day...

So today is the day I post make-up free outfit photos! It may seem strange to some people that I'm bringing this up, but bear with me - I have some things to get down on (virtual) paper...

Basically, I find it really difficult to do anything in life without my ritual make-up application, and quite a lot of hair brushing, skin touching, deep breathing at the rising anxiety etc.

This probably sounds vain to most people. Obsessive concern with one's appearance? Vain and shallow right?

Well, that's what I try to avoid thinking, because underneath the surface perception of perceived defects and ugliness, that, rationally, I know are at least a tiny bit ridiculous, there is an underlying issue.

I have something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. This is something which causes excessive concern about one (or many) perceived defects in appearance, and means I can get completely consumed by panic just by looking in the mirror for too long without any make-up to hand. It combines both obsessive and compulsive aspects, and is strongly linked to instances of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ( - guilty as charged! ). It involves some problems with social situations, and can take over your life really easily.

For some people, it leaves them completely crippled - unable to go to work, socially interact, lead normal lives... It can become that consuming. I'm one of the lucky ones. For me, it's not too bad. I have a very low register of the disorder, that I manage easily most of the time. I had a really bad patch when I was ill with CFS / ME, and last year during exams, but most of the time, like the OCD, it is only noticeable to the people who know me well.  Or who try to take photos of me! This is part of the reason I'm doing this blog... Working on photoshoots with T-B is part of my 'training' myself out of the bad reaction I used to have to cameras. So far so good. 

My close uni friends only started noticing when I got addicted to Sour Skittles in the bar, and spend about five minutes sorting them into groups of 4 of the same colour (or two and two)... I then eat them in 4s, and get very protective of the little groups... I count pretty much everything (especially food) in 4s. My room mate has known for much longer, mainly because she has had to sit through many dinners where peas were involved, and I would sit for aaaages, sorting, and eating them in 4s, to her amusement and eventually, once twenty minutes passed, horror!

But it's a big decision for me to put these photos of today's outfits on here. I didn't really go out today, and noone was coming round, so I had one of my 'brave' makeupless days lol. I also tend to change clothes several times a day to cope with how I'm feeling. All part of my strategies, but it does lead to a very messy room! Hehe. My room mate jokes that I change more times in a day than she does in a week! 

So. Deep Breath. Here goes.

- I wore this for a bit of twirling mid-panic attack about dissertation. Cheered me right up! ;-D - in a Betty Jackson "Two" dress, Kate Kuba shoes, Jocasi belt, ToyWatch.

- Worn for most of the day - my favourite American Apparel tri-blend tee, Warehouse skirt, Kate Kuba shoes, ToyWatch, Max C London cardigan...

That's all from me today... I'm supposed to be writing up a case study of conversion (to Christianity from 'pagan') of the landscape of a site in Northumberland... The excavation report is from the 70s and I'm dying here! ;-D

Xxxc

P.s. I hope noone thinks I wrote this post for sympathy / compliments... I just wanted to get it out in the open as an issue which is so rarely talked about. I tend to be quite self-depricating, and this is why... Thanks for reading this far and not writing me of as some self-indulgent crackpot! :-D

Weekend of Lovliness Series #3

Ok... So this one's the last in the series from last weekend. Sob! ;-D

As promised, this post is the detail shots I rather liked... Mainly focussing on accessories: the scarf, the brooch, the tights and the bag... 

- My lovely little clutch, hanging from a railing in one of Chelsea's private gardens, while I tied my shoelace... How SHINY!!! :-D

- I didn't watch the boat race... I was too busy gorging on barbeque ;-D 

- Loving the scarf against those tights... T-B took this one as I was getting back up from tying that pesky shoelace the ten millionth time. I like the contrast... *Note to self: need new laces!* 

- Oh, it's just so stressful, lazing around in the sun!

- My amazing Rodchenko and Popova exhibition brooch - the hammer actually moves due to the cog! How kwl is that?!?! :-D

Sigh. So now that's over... I don't think there'll be any more T-B photoshoots til he gets back to Cam on the 12th. Not too long, honest! 

I'll try to fill in the blanks with some self timer photos, but it depends on how deep into this hole of dissertation gloom I get. I may end up in my horrendous Jack Wills trackies (not my idea, but they are darn comfy) and uber-old, uber-darned and holey cashmere mens sweaters that are comfy as hell but not exactly stylish ;0) This isn't a joke... I may crack... In case you hadn't noticed the levels of stress my dissertation is causing...

- My diary from this week... nothing else in it...

- The state of my desk...

- The offensive / offending document ;-D

Haha. Oh well. I should have quite a chunk done by the end of the weekend, but I think, if I didn't have this blog, and you guys keeping me cheery, I'd be much more of a basket case. And that's saying something!!!

Until tomoro lovelies,

Xxxc

To keep T-B happy ;-D - images in this post are either Copyright Alex Tatton-Brown (1-5) or my own (6-8). Seriously though, 8, and all text therein, is DEFINITELY copyright me. Mainly because I don't particularly want to end up getting in trouble with the uni proctor of examinations... Sigh.

Bad Habits Die Hard...

Ok, so I'm awful. I use shopping to procrastinate, and today I let myself loose on M&S and Topshop... I was planning a film inspired blog-post, not another testament to my non-stop(ped by recession) consumption, but it wasn't to be...

I have to admit, although I love shopping for scarves and skirts - the easy things - there are some things that scare me shi*less, and I do far less often. Those things would be trousers, all-in-ones and underwear... 

My body just doesn't DO normal sizing. 

I think this may be something to do with the fact that though I LOOK top heavy, it is in fact my thighs that make everything difficult. That and the strange fact I am not an apple or a pear or an hourglass, but a butternut squash... You know... Out (boobs) In (waist) Out (spare tire) In (between hips and thighs) Out (arse and thighs) Down. Oh, and my body is far too long: my waist is far higher than looks natural. Arrrghhhh!!! It may seem silly, but it is rather annoying... 

I suppose we all have hang-ups.

So M&S - necessary and annoyingly unproductive. I needed new all-purpose bras and ended up with none but did get a push-up bra (trust me - don't need one, didn't want one, but it was on sale and I don't actually have one, so maybe it'll be useful?), a nightie that I wish was wearable as a dress as it's such a pretty colour, and a nightie that Is wearable as a dress and will be appearing on here very soon.

So underwear nightmares aside, I did have a mission in Topshop. I've been wanting a playsuit/jumpsuit/romper for AAAAAAAAAAAAAAGES, and I decided today would be the day to try a few on... 

I first fell in love with one with straps (currently on the Topshop website here) which unfortunately had annoying moulded cups that on neither the 10 nor the 12 fitted my curves, despite the rest of the suit fitting fine. The 14 was taking the mick a bit, so I decided it wasn't to be.

Then I found one (currently up on the Topshop website here) that I never would normally look twice at... But it's just too cute! Ok, so the lack of straps = no bra, and the shorts are a bit shorter than I usually like, but I just couldn't leave it! Extravagant, perhaps, but - weather permitting - I foresee days out on the backs reading in this cute little thing. Or nights in hot sweaty clubs hehe. (Please excuse the shameless changing room posing... And the scaaaaary winter legs!)

I reckon one could wear it over a tee and cyan or burgundy tights anyway (with different shoes lol), so I'm very much looking forward to road-testing it over the next few weeks. A welcome distraction from dissertation stress... As much as I love the Venerable Bede and visible traces of Christianisation in the landscape, outfit creation is a much more satisfying way to pass time ;-D 

I also got some darling tights - a pair of floral ones and some in ballerina pink... Both fill holes in my tights collection, so I don't feel too bad about that one ;-) 

Slightly less self-and-shopping-centred tomorrow... Honest!

Xxxc

P.s. I've added myself on bloglover... I use googlereader, but I know some people use this...

Follow my blog with bloglovin´

Apologies and a bit of Miu Miu

Having been ill for a few days, I've not been blogging... Sorry! Especially as everyone's been leaving such lovely comments about the photoshoots!

Afraid I'm going to have to leave you all in suspense a little longer as I'm off on a trip to Canterbury, and I am pretty sure that the internet access leaves A LOT to be desired. So I shall hopefully be back on Friday.

I've lost my photographer for a few weeks but will endeavour to provide some pleasant diversions until T-B and his camera are back ;-D

Before I go, however I've got a couple of catwalk insights... I've been a bit behind since LFW, but thought I'd have a peek at Miu Miu today, and have to admit, the clothes brought revulsion and magpie tendencies out by turns...

The first few outfits are... being polite here... odd. Some are completely unflattering even to a model's body (goodness knows what they'd be like on, say, a size 8 or 10 or, god help us, 12 ;-D)

Then we have - lets just stick a piece of fur across the body... Now I'm coming around to fur in some contexts - visually at least, though I don't know if I could wear it myself, but this makes my stomach turn... And this pic wasn't the worst.

I came around to it slightly when 1) Raquel Zimmerman walked (I think she's my favourite model...) and 2) the colours were slightly less dead-and-buried...

Then came some outfits I did rather like... The long but sheer skirts are divine. The layers looks stiff and oh so inviting in a "please scrumple me" way. (Oh I do so love the word "scrumple" :-D)

Aren't these colours yummy? Burgundy and sky blue... SWEET!!!

LOVE the shoes... These may be first on my Fall09 wishlist... YUM!

Loving that rise of colour in the top... I can't really wear sheer myself, but the way the colours are mixed along with textures in this outfit is rather kwl.

Again, yum yum on the colour front. Not quite sure I'm kwl enough to do the burgundy+black+sparkles thing, but you never know! ;-)

Right, I'm being told off for not being in bed recouperating...

Night all!

Xxxc

dreaming in plastic?

Have you guys seen Melissa shoes? After a post on Style Bubble and trying on a pair of Alexandre Herchcovitch oxfords (and not getting them, though I wish, wish, wish I had... But the queue in Topshop was too long!) I really do rather adore the brand...

Cute little lookbook video, though shame the shop isn't up yet... These yellow wedges are a-calling.

I have to admit to being most excited about the Vivienne Westwood collaboration. Absolutely LOVE the heart heels! You can get the beige and blue at Hervia, though I rather like the orange or the yellow... At £78, they're not a steal, but they're not bad either!!!

Don't you think the orange would look rather yummy with this BLANK (SS09) dress? (I can only find BLANK on gosee which is upsetting... I was rather hoping to acquire this very fetching concoction. Harumph!)

Hmmmmmm. 

Xxxc

Regressing

Ok, so I know most people (hello lovely ones!) reading this blog are here for the fashion, but as those of you who've been around a little longer (hello claire!) know, I used to blog a little more about my (ridiculous) life of love and, well, slightly less love.

So, to appease the general populous, can we have a big round of applause for...

Pucci. New designer - Peter Dundas. New aesthetic. It's yummy! Still bohemian, still prints (resurrected from a 1953 collection according to style.com) and swirls... But more modern. More in keeping with the kind of stuff being sent out by more relavent-for-this-fashion-moment designers like Gianini and Simons and Ghesquiere. Sigh.

Just look!

- The perfect fanned shoulder... hmmmmm. i never used to be a fan (no pun intended :-S) of assymetricity!
- divine... look at the gradiation of colour. can't you just SEE the floatiness!
- love the colours and the sharp shoulders...

- ok, beautiful, casual. the colour combination of navy, watermelon, lavender and burgundy is strangely SWEET! I also really dig the trouser front detail. who WOULDN'T want those pockets?
- words cannot describe my LOVE for this jumper...
- i think i'm drawn to this because my college symbol is the eagle. woo collegiate spirit!

- so sexy - smart casual at its fittest.

- perfect May Ball dress. sigh.

...

Now. Onto my trials and tribulations.

Anyone ever get the feeling that when you bugger something up ROYALLY and try to forget, no matter how much you run away it comes back to haunt you?

There's someone I came very close to, well, becoming very close to, before I messed it up by seeing an old flame and it being more than it should have been. I thought the new guy wasn't right for me as he's a) younger, b) a smoker, c) a lawyer lol - but in hindsight I was doing my running away from emotional risk thing. Sigh.

Now, he's popping up all the time, and occassionally we chat. Today was a particular kick in the gut, as I'm feeling awful about essay deadlines anyway. Gah. Why do I get myself into these messes?

Right. Love life thing over. Thanks for paying attention to the ranting... Back to essay. It's much less complicated ;-D

Much love Xxxc

Apparently, I'm a canary...

Well, so the BBC says of my chosen (well, if one counts a degree as choosing) profession...

"Professor Mark Horton of Bristol University has predicted about a quarter (of archaeologists) will find themselves unemployed before the recession is over. It has been dubbed a "canary" trade, one which - like the canaries warning of dangerous gas in mining history - die at the first sign of trouble in the air.

"It's catastrophic," said the professor. "Most of those people will have to find jobs somewhere else. There will be a real skills shortage, and a real problem when excavations begin again."

Bugger.

Oh well. A job in Fashion is my only hope. 

Wait a second...

;-D

Although, all depression aside, I do actually rather like canaries and canary yellow... Hmmmmmmm.

Recession-Love-Xxxc

Barbour... Mixed Thoughts

In another fit of procrastination, I headed to Dazed Digital and chanced upon a story about SS09 Barbour... And ICK! 

The only thing I remotely like is the women's polo shirt, as it reminds me of my school netball shirts - in a nostalgico-kick kinda way - but even that is actually not particularly wearable, in my humble opinion... 

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm actually one of those wierd people who thinks Barbour jackets are cool (though I don't own one) and love the smell of them (waxy and yummy)... But WTF?!?! They just look cheap and far too try hard.

AND to make matters worse, they then go and describe the collection as this:

Use of the crest as part of the latest Barbour range is a definitive nod by the clothing house at the Brit prep culture, a quintessentially English lifestyle revolving around historical universities like Oxford and Cambridge, sports like polo and croquet and heavily influenced by affluent British families holidaying in the costal areas such as Cornwall and Northumberland.

Oxbridge? My arse. Anything like that round here is consigned to stash and thus is only worn on the sports field or when nursing a hangover... Noone wears it outside Cam unless they're proud of their sporting achievements more than they give a monkey's about their appearance!

Sorry, but it's hideous.

Ok. Rant over. Look at these lovely pictures of old style Barbour, before it's "makeover" (bleeeeeuuughhhh!)

Ok. I feel a bit better now... Especially after the chictopia outfit from jaja's chic blog made me happy :-D

Xxxc

Bank Account Battering?

Since the shoes proved mildly disappointing, I am currently waiting for DHL man to pick up my Net-a-Porter returns package... He has 10 minutes to arrive, before he's late for a 2 HOUR time slot! Bah humbug. I can't afford to wait after 6.30 as I'm off out on Union Business! Very annoying. Especially after such amazing service from N-a-P itself! :-S

So what did I do? Post-shoe disappointment, I went and got a pair of trousers on Browns' website... Ann Sofie Back in the sale. I will post them if they are successful. I ordered a medium which is apparently a 12, but I'm not humungously hopeful that they won't be normal-person-8 lol. We shall seeeeeeeeeeee!!! 

I also have a new LOVE, but I can't bring myself to spend $78 (plus postage) on a necklace... Even if it is beeeeeeyoooooteeeeeful! (It's from Bona Drag by Miss KK)

Xxxc

Pouty and Not Revising

Now, I know I complain when I have one exam after the other, but to tell the truth, I wish I hadn't had a 2 day gap between the nightmarish exams and my last one... The last one is actually my most important one, and up until last weekend was the only one I was really revising, but having gotten absolutely exhausted by the three at the beginning of the week, I gave up yesterday, post Roman Cities exam. Not a good plan. I overslept today, and then procrastinated. It's now 9.10pm and I have my exam at 1.30 tomorrow... I can't remember anything, and just can't seem to get down to work! Gah!

Oh well... So I wanted to do my MA in the same field as this paper... who needs MA's? I get a fake one from Cam anyway!

Wish me luck anyhoo! Maybe I'll recapture the exam spirit in a minute... Or maybe I'll go to the gym... Hmmmmmmmm...

Ok, so here's what I'm wearing today... (Tee from realitee at topshop - it has a cute crossed and knotted back, indian elephants necker from charity shop, vintage Jaeger brown tweed blazer with velvet collar from my Mother's closet - it's older than me!!! hehe, Sass and Bide high waisted jeans, Jaeger shoes that were on sale last term, gorgeous crystal dangly earrings - they have a really unusual shape - bought from Nomads in Cambridge)

Pouty much? ;-D





Xxxc

Odd Crushes

Why is it that I seem to get odd, short-lived crushes on guys I spend a lot of time in close proximity with? In the past it's been the older, wiser publicist with a ginger beard and a wierd wierd personality (apparently he fancied me too, but quite glad now that it didn't go anywhere), and then there was the techie who let me study in his office, but was far too comp-sci-ish... I liked him for a while, then realised I didn't fancy him, was just being needy-post-breakup, and he was on rebound from ex-WIFE! So again, tho he liked me, I ran away. Boy last term was similar, though I didn't run away quick enough - the latter two were far too mild mannered and I didn't actually fancy them at all in hindsight... just liked being liked I guess.

Currently it's 'study-boy' who is really quite cute in a compact, good things come in small packages way... now he's not remotely minging, but not my type - i like to be made to feel girly and small, not massive and like i could squash the guy like a bug ;-D sigh... also, haven't really ever spoken to him - we all live in a room filled with piled-high desks, silence and a coffee machine for the duration of exam term. His friends in the room are different from my friends in the room. The divide seems insurmountable.

Yet sometimes I catch him looking at me, and sometimes it feels like he doesn't notice I exist. All very silly and pointless, and SO a reaction to exam-term madness! It'll all be over in a week and one day!!! Then back to normalcy, and Not fancying him... Therefore - MUST STOP MYSELF DOING ANYTHING SILLY.

The intense crush is annoying as before was just happily going along appreciating 'fit-back-boy' who is possibly one of the fittest boys in college, very popular, cute smile, great stubble, big and manly lol. That was always a pie in the sky fantasy and one which all of us girls could giggle about - we all have different view points, so joked about fancying different parts, and not the whole boy ;-D

Ah, it all seems so 12-year-old-schoolyard... But that's what this term reduces you to! GAH!

Sigh. I hate being single. It's got boring.

Best mate has finished all his exams and his final year project and has gone climbing today. Safe to say it's hate I'm feeling right now ;-D

I must get off back to revision... Yuk.

Oh Joy! Exams!

So, I'm back in Cambridge for the hell that is Easter term...

Exams are a little way off - they start on the 2nd of June - but I really need to keep on top of work and starting to revise... I've been on a field trip and ill for the last few weeks, so very very behind. Kinda like with this blog!

Well, never mind... Had a non-date date drink with unattainable boy (still in love with ex, leaving for new life in Australia in 3 months) this evening, and really edgy... Would go and kill myself in the gym, but I have a recovering sprained knee and sprained elbow, and having done a little (nurse advised) exercise yesterday, the knee might complain if I forced it this evening... It's not achey or sore, but slightly uncomfy... Oh how I want to be on a bike right now!!! Grumble.

Ah well, I have to be up (far too) early in the morning, so maybe an early night is a better plan?

I'm just not great at this whole regular blogging thing...

Hey all,

Since I'm supposed to be doing a statistics project ( - I'm an arts student... WHAT ARE THEY DOING getting me to do MATHS for 5% of my year's grade?!?! - ) I've decided to blog instead.

Boy problems are back again with a vengeance...

I'm talking to the ex again, which is throwing up a tonne of unresolved issues, but that's the least of it...

I've got one boy who everyone (including him) thinks I'm going out with... He's a bit older than me, but we've got a lot of friends in common, and very 'relationship-y' - which I'm SO NOT... flighty and fickle are words definitely applicable to me in this context, and I'm getting grumpy and starting to think about bolting. Which is wierd as I'm trying to Not bolt, as it'll hurt his feelings and make me the queen bitch in the eyes of everyone else!

Add onto this the fact I'm going home to a complicated friendship which is much much more than that and a boy who's so totally my type, but not over his ex-girlfriend and a bit of a wanderer... I'm falling hard and fast for the latter, and I just don't know how to go about carrying on with the situation. I want to get our friendship back on track after a drunken night where we both did more than we planned, and I'm not sure how to get back to where we were before...

But it'll all be fine. It's holiday time... and once this stats project's out of the way I can get back to working out exactly how to cope with my - once again hugely complicated - life of love... ;-D

I think I might pack up my desk in the library now and head to bed...

Xxx

After a term spent Trying to work...

I'm back on the blogging bandwagon...

Partly due to a renewed vigour in my search for some sense of sartorial self

and Partly due to my need to procrastinate Further from an essay on medieval death. There's only so many descriptions of leprosy one can read...

So...

In the past two months I've:

a) gotten addicted to granola, blueberries and aubergine dip mixed with sweetcorn

b) lost almost a stone in weight - finally listening to my doctors saying 'you've got a small frame... your bmi may be fine, but you're going to bugger up your joints even more than they already are if you don't eat right and excercise...' oops! - the coupledom / illness / first year of uni / depression weight is going, I'm eating healthily and I'm just about starting to get on track exercise-wise... WOO!!!

c) realised i'm much happier without boy-drama, cut ties and am contented and de-stressed with my group of close close friends who i love more than anything in the whole world, and my 'friend-with-benefits' when I'm home for the hols ;-D

d) realised my wardrobe's undergone a radical switch away from my mother's loathed 'earth mother' dresses and bright, baggy, eye-catching fare to a more slimmed down, classic, still adventurous and slightly eccentric, self-possessed air-ified stance on the whole fashion thing.

e) actually Done my work (well, apart from that one teeny classics essay... lol)

f) stayed out of the theatre more... and seen more plays as a result! David Hare at the Royal Court and The White Devil at the ADC being highlights...

g) not spent much of my weekends in cam - i realise now, more than ever, that it's neccessary for me to escape the bubble as much as possible. Whether it's just to go to the theatre, or to celebrate my birthday joint with my two best mates who turned 21 the week before my 20th, I've loved the return to the big city (or the visit to another city - Rome was such fun), where in a lot of ways, I feel like I can breathe again...

I've probably done tonnes more stuff, but those seem like the important points - right now anyway... The rest of term's looking busy - several dinners, including the one i'm organising, two shows - one professional, one as a favour, trips to london for an opera and a play, and much more besides...

Right... back to the clothes and fun! ;-D

Xxx

P.s. in an update on 'the ex' - he's still going out with rebound-girl - almost a year now, so not sure it can be classed as such, but hey... Recent photos of both parts of that couple... Not so flattering...
God how I love being bitchy ;-D

Beauty is Pain

Ouch...

Just got half my body hair ripped out it seems...

My eyebrows have been vaguely troll-like for quite a while and finally took the plunge today and had them tiny-fied... scary to see...

Not quite as scary as the Brazilian bikini wax... Wierdly, I don't scream the house down ( - possibly due to a cocktail of paracetemol and ibuprofen :-s - ) - but it still BLOODY HURT!!!

All in the name of a Parisian holiday to a spa hotel in the centre of the city. Should be amazing. I feel quite like the hair ripping was a cathartic act... not one I like repeating particularly much... but I suppose in this day and age, there are certain things that are beauty givens. And I should, I suppose live up to them.

Grumble. ;-D

- On a related note... I do hope I manage to fit some shopping in this weekend... shoes, handbags, beauty stuff and other accessories are on my list - mainly because mother and I had a big conversation this afternoon about getting my weight down. She has never been one to advocate it, but I'm starting to really suffer self-esteem-wise and I do have some issues with eating to punish myself - so it's a sensible idea to think quite seriously about sorting the size-increase. JOYOUS!!!

How to be a nice person...

Don't follow my example.

Fact: Playing with fire is dangerous but Oh so seductive...

The traditional love triangle has been replaced by a love parallelogram with attached venn diagrams... Everyone 'loves' at least two other people - some people know, others don't. It's all very complicated, and ultimately, somebody is going to get hurt... I don't really know how to get out from this tangled web we've woven, but the time has definitely come for damage control.

I spent yesterday with the one whose introduction into the group dynamic sparked all the complications. Realising at the end of our time together that I was being unfair and selfish if I stayed any longer - not only on him, seeing as I can see no future for us ( - I love him as a friend, find him attractive etc etc, but am In Love with one of his good friends and care more about the friends who are in love with him than about him... - ) - but on our mutual friends to whom any relationship beyond friendship of ours would be a kick in the gut.

There is something very tricky about navigating the waters of relationships between bisexual men and straight women - if a man is just gay or straight, they are easier to deal with; easier to trust. Revealing my soul to a guy who I thought had no ulterior motives - at the time misunderstanding his sexuality - I was setting myself up for this fall.

I wondered if I wished I could turn back time. If I would never have kissed any of them. If I would never have gotten involved, as a confidante, with any of them. If I would never have begun a relationship with a guy so emotionally damaged and insecure that I find myself acting like its his friend I'm in a relationship with, not him, in a bid to counterbalance my loss of control over the situation.

But I don't really wish any of that. I just wish there was a way to sort out the complications without a mess ensuing.

still languishing...

in the land of camp-leader uniform... managed to fashion a cloak out of the same piece of blue velvet that was last seen out as a toga for the harry potter themed partay last night... apparently I was from Beauxbatons school, though the french accent didn't exactly keep up with the explanation... clothes still so boring and ill fitting they make me want to cry (though I have rediscovered a pair of diesel khaki dungarees that I've never worn due to their deep V split when worn up, but when worn down are just the right degree of practicality for working with these little demons...
to top it all off, today i smell... a hot london will do that to you. i'm off to roast in front of the tv now. (GOD I'm so darn BRITISH!!! teehee)
xxxc

a photo of my very very rushed improv outfit for abovementioned party...

Wardrobe Crisis

I really do seem to be partaking in summer activities which do not exactly lend themselves to sartorial excellence... First t'was digging up a roman fort (I'm the one in the red jumper... shameful!!!)



Now, I'm wandering around with a bunch of kids wearing too tight jeans (I hate putting on weight... grumble - ) and a huge blue staff teeshirt. Sky blue loafers are shoe of choice, the bag - a huge red and black rucksack, the coat - a black waterproof... Photos probably forthcoming... It's all knocking me for 6 and am even having trouble choosing evening outfits! Though did laugh the other day when dug out clingy leopard print dress I have never worn and own only because it is a useful costume item... t'was to dress up as a leopard for a fancy dress bbq at work, but still!!! teehee.

More news, ex-boyfriend took new model to our old pub in the little bubble of a school-town we live in... I'm currently working at said school to which he went / his dad taught at etc etc, and so many people I know frequent it... was a bit of a kick in the gut. at least he didn't take her to the work's dept club - that would have been a low blow - though to be honest, I don't think he'd dare... Have seen him a bit recently, which has reminded me exactly how glad I am to be out of that relationship, but also thankful that we're still friends, and good ones. It's just the newer, prettier, skinnier, more emotionally balanced girlfriend-model thing I have a problem with these days ;-D - insecurities rock, don't they... lol.

xxxc