Exams over... At last

Well, the last exams I'm going to take in this place are over... Management Studies has the awesome feature of seriously early exams that means that we lost our Easter vac, but can enjoy all of what the approaching summer has to offer! I do have a project to do, but it's nowhere near as stressful and much more structured than the impending doom of exams encroaching upon one's happiness and health!

So... I am going to try and return to the blogosphere. Slowly, softly, perhaps, but freedom awaits in a few months with graduation, and as I'm still unsure what the future holds, I might manage to reinject some life into this little side project of mine. I do miss it when I drop off the face of the earth for months at a time, and since I will be rejoining T-B in London-town in July, we might even get the occassional photoshoot done!

Anyway, what brings me to the computer today? It's another installment of the fab Aussie Angel initiative. I am, as ever, slow on the uptake. Claire posted about it a while back, and I'm proud to have my little "Luscious Long Tribe" pack which arrived at college today.

The wonderful people at Aussie have sent me a Welcome Pack for "surviving until your Tribe party" - in July, and when I'm supposed to be in France, but that may not happen, so I'm keeping an open mind!

They have been so generous and sent some of their lovely, yummy Luscious Long shampoo and conditioner, a mini brush, a compact mirror, some badges to display my allegiance and some chocolate... I have to admit that the chocolate will be going to The Boy, as my body hates me and does not allow the consumption of dairy. The Boy will likely be very pleased...

Awesome huh!

In other news, I went shopping for the first time in yonks today. After almost giving into a tapestry bag covered in cats in Ark Vintage in Cambridge city centre, and trying to decide whether I should buy oversized stripy shorts from Joules (- my new shop crush... All those pretty candy colours! All that outdoorsy blowsiness! YUM!), I wandered into Karen Millen. Now, I don't have much occassion to wear what they do best - gorgeous luxe night-out wear - but I have to admit, they have upped the ante from what I remember from the last time I seriously browsed in there, as a teenager... Searching for hot house party outfits, out for the afternoon with my mum, shopping on the King's Road. I seem to remember coming out of there with an outfit involving an orange crochet shell encrusted halter top... Strange memories. Sigh. Nostalgia.

Anyway. Browsing in there today was rather fun. And I have to admit to falling for a dress... A £165 dress. GULP! As a girl who shops either vintage or designer sample sales, I get a bit cranky shelling out almost two hundred quid for glorified high street. But that's the snob in me. (Please don't hate me! I just have an issue with our hardcore, wear-it-once, who gives a shit about quality, consumer culture...) But here I must admit I can see where the money is going. Ish.

The embroidery is awesome and it has the most darling bow at the back... Sigh. If only I had the money, or the event to wear it to!

Right. That's all for now folks... Xxxc

Theatricalities Past...

Since I'm attempting to string out the boat-race pictures for as long as possible, today's post is a wander down memory lane to my days as a costume wench at Cambridge's ADC theatre...

This performance of Mozart and Salieri (February 2007) was my first foray into costume design, after initially doing lighting as it's what I'd done at school, and really set in stone my love for creating a character and for working in theatre in general... 

The production was brilliant, selling out a lateshow slot (absolutely impossible to do!) and the people made my entry into the horrendously cliquey world of cam-theatre extremely easy. 

Theatre is no longer a part of my life in a meaningful sense, as to be involved, you basically have to sacrifice degree / college life / friends / sleep / health - if you're me... It's actually in the CUADC constitution that if you get more than a 2.2 then you're not doing enough theatre! Totally true. Hehe. But I don't regret a single second of it. 

There were many other productions I was involved with, and each one makes me feel proud to have been involved and to have produced such professional quality work. It's a real team effort and Cam does produce some outstanding actors and directors and technical people, but I don't regret leaving it behind. I still have great friends from doing it, learnt loads of skills I'd never have had another opportunity to develop, and still occasionally work on the theatre box office. But not doing shows has given me and my health a bit of breathing room.

Heart-to-heart aside, this production was hella-fun. Despite breaking up with my long-term boyfriend the weekend before the show went up, it remains in my mind as one of the most positive experiences Cambridge has offered me (as well as providing a great rebound boy lol). And there have been many. (Not rebound boys ;-D honest!)

It is probably the darkest show I costumed, but its small scale and period costume coupled with freaky scary make up really made it fun... I'd been briefed with descriptions of Japanese theatre - particularly Kabuki, Kyogen (there were masks involved...) and Bunraku. 

The director had also expressed a wish for the types of coats for Mozart and Salieri to wear and the general colour schemes. For make up, I had Edward-Scissorhands meets child-playing-with-facepaint on Halloween with a bit of climbing vines, mould and rot thrown in... Haha.

And working with actors does make you open your mind to the ridiculous in life a little more...

And sitting in dressing rooms gossiping for hours with some of my closest friends, playing with green face paint isn't exactly the biggest chore in the world!

Ah... Here comes the "costume wench" photo! Don't I look so nervous! Ah to be a first year again. Sigh. Got to love all the costume repairs I did for that show, though it wasn't as bad as the show I'm going to show you next time when I had to fix the entire inseams of one of the boys' trousers with gaffa tape for the whole second half of the opening night as he'd been dancing so enthusiastically!

***Please excuse the crappy quality of the photos - the originals are on my removable hard drive which is currently at home, so these were copied off facebook, with resultant reduced number of pixels. I did my best!!!

I hope you enjoyed that little foray into my theatrical past... I'll show you some more shows and chatter about theatricalities in general in upcoming posts!

Xxxc

Regressing

Ok, so I know most people (hello lovely ones!) reading this blog are here for the fashion, but as those of you who've been around a little longer (hello claire!) know, I used to blog a little more about my (ridiculous) life of love and, well, slightly less love.

So, to appease the general populous, can we have a big round of applause for...

Pucci. New designer - Peter Dundas. New aesthetic. It's yummy! Still bohemian, still prints (resurrected from a 1953 collection according to style.com) and swirls... But more modern. More in keeping with the kind of stuff being sent out by more relavent-for-this-fashion-moment designers like Gianini and Simons and Ghesquiere. Sigh.

Just look!

- The perfect fanned shoulder... hmmmmm. i never used to be a fan (no pun intended :-S) of assymetricity!
- divine... look at the gradiation of colour. can't you just SEE the floatiness!
- love the colours and the sharp shoulders...

- ok, beautiful, casual. the colour combination of navy, watermelon, lavender and burgundy is strangely SWEET! I also really dig the trouser front detail. who WOULDN'T want those pockets?
- words cannot describe my LOVE for this jumper...
- i think i'm drawn to this because my college symbol is the eagle. woo collegiate spirit!

- so sexy - smart casual at its fittest.

- perfect May Ball dress. sigh.

...

Now. Onto my trials and tribulations.

Anyone ever get the feeling that when you bugger something up ROYALLY and try to forget, no matter how much you run away it comes back to haunt you?

There's someone I came very close to, well, becoming very close to, before I messed it up by seeing an old flame and it being more than it should have been. I thought the new guy wasn't right for me as he's a) younger, b) a smoker, c) a lawyer lol - but in hindsight I was doing my running away from emotional risk thing. Sigh.

Now, he's popping up all the time, and occassionally we chat. Today was a particular kick in the gut, as I'm feeling awful about essay deadlines anyway. Gah. Why do I get myself into these messes?

Right. Love life thing over. Thanks for paying attention to the ranting... Back to essay. It's much less complicated ;-D

Much love Xxxc

Hedi Slimane's Photo-Frenzy... Me-likey!

So, elsewhere on Dazed Digital, I find something much nicer... Hedi Slimane's photos of London Teens. Amazing images.

I want to BE one of these girls... Please. Pretty Please. Pretty Please with Cherries on top!

I also made a collage of the best... JUST LOOK at that smouldering boy in the bottom left.YUM! (Is it just me or does he look a bit like Robert Pattinson from Twilight / HP?)

You MUST check it out... I wish I could take photos like this. They are going to haunt my dreams for WEEKS! And not just because I a) want those lace dresses, b) want a fringe like the girl third along, top row and c) want a boy like the one bottom left! ;-D

Note to self: try and find a January issue of Dazed and Confused... Damn me for being on an economy drive and not buying it!!! :-(

Xxxc

Freaky Test Thing

Ok, so going through my blog reader, I stumbled upon a reference to Colorgenics, a personality test which tells you things about how other people see you based on colours 'you feel most in harmony with'... 

All but one blindingly wrong paragraph was spookily accurate, according to several of my bemused mates... 

Apparently I strive to make a good impression, like to understand how people react to stimuli, am decisive, proud and an emotional risk-phobe, and have 'strength of mind' enough to be 'true managerial material'. 

Haha. Good thing I'm (*cross fingers*) doing the Management Studies Tripos next year!

Have a go! 

Xxxc

Life, our universe, and everything...

After yesterday's megapost, I thought I'd follow up with a bright-living post of lots of pictures... Just to give you an idea of the calm-chaos thing we have going on in our set!

1) We like post-its.

2) I don't get up in the morning...

3) We like birthdays and balls best of all.

4) Childhood should never be left behind... (Meet Squirrel-Pooh!)

5) Pink to make the boys wink ;-D

6) I usually kill plants. This is an experiment that may turn out very very badly...

Right, I'm off out now, to conduct people around a museum in the dark... Wearing rather high Eley Kishimoto heels. Oh well. Wish me luck!

Xxxc

I Like Bright #2

I like bells. 

Bells are necessary for my happiness.

Bright bells are even better.

These two circlets normally hang over my desk, and I swing them in a playful manner far too often. Both were gifts. The silver was brought back for me by a good friend, from India, and the multicoloured string was given to me by an American shopkeep in a little new age-y store in Lucca, Italy. I was on my way home from a month in Tuscany, a little heartsick, a little lonely, and wandering was proving a tad demoralising. But when I stopped in this shop, initially to try on some ballet pumps (that I regret not buying ;-D), I ended up chatting for nigh on an hour with the lovely 50s-ish gent. We covered topics like my dig, San Fransisco, the Tuscan countryside, and my love of bells. I couldn't resist tinkling the display on my way out, and he very generously gave me one of the strings... It's a little big to wear often as a bracelet, but it's presence in my life always makes me smile, and remember that there's good to be found in every new experience, and that talking to people is the most wonderful pastime in the world...

Then, we have my diary... Stickers and post-it yummyness. The everyday admin happies!

Odd Crushes

Why is it that I seem to get odd, short-lived crushes on guys I spend a lot of time in close proximity with? In the past it's been the older, wiser publicist with a ginger beard and a wierd wierd personality (apparently he fancied me too, but quite glad now that it didn't go anywhere), and then there was the techie who let me study in his office, but was far too comp-sci-ish... I liked him for a while, then realised I didn't fancy him, was just being needy-post-breakup, and he was on rebound from ex-WIFE! So again, tho he liked me, I ran away. Boy last term was similar, though I didn't run away quick enough - the latter two were far too mild mannered and I didn't actually fancy them at all in hindsight... just liked being liked I guess.

Currently it's 'study-boy' who is really quite cute in a compact, good things come in small packages way... now he's not remotely minging, but not my type - i like to be made to feel girly and small, not massive and like i could squash the guy like a bug ;-D sigh... also, haven't really ever spoken to him - we all live in a room filled with piled-high desks, silence and a coffee machine for the duration of exam term. His friends in the room are different from my friends in the room. The divide seems insurmountable.

Yet sometimes I catch him looking at me, and sometimes it feels like he doesn't notice I exist. All very silly and pointless, and SO a reaction to exam-term madness! It'll all be over in a week and one day!!! Then back to normalcy, and Not fancying him... Therefore - MUST STOP MYSELF DOING ANYTHING SILLY.

The intense crush is annoying as before was just happily going along appreciating 'fit-back-boy' who is possibly one of the fittest boys in college, very popular, cute smile, great stubble, big and manly lol. That was always a pie in the sky fantasy and one which all of us girls could giggle about - we all have different view points, so joked about fancying different parts, and not the whole boy ;-D

Ah, it all seems so 12-year-old-schoolyard... But that's what this term reduces you to! GAH!

Sigh. I hate being single. It's got boring.

Best mate has finished all his exams and his final year project and has gone climbing today. Safe to say it's hate I'm feeling right now ;-D

I must get off back to revision... Yuk.

Sunshine and pretty dresses

Had a haircut last week, the weather's warming up, and I'm wearing lots of little dresses... Unfortunately not spending much time outside as I'm revising (1 week, 3 days to go... yuk!), but I do get to sit behind 'fit back boy' - don't ask... and we have our very own coffee machine in the study room. Oh yes. Caffeine addiction ahoy! ;-D Pictures will be forthcoming! (Of dresses, not boy... darn it!!! Hehe)

In related news, my best mate broke up with his girlfriend last week, and we've already fallen back into the 'habit' of sleeping together. This makes me feel ever so slightly amoral, and also worried about boy's lack of conscience lol. Ah well, I don't have to go out with him! ;-D

Right... back to urbanisation in Iberia!

Oh Joy! Exams!

So, I'm back in Cambridge for the hell that is Easter term...

Exams are a little way off - they start on the 2nd of June - but I really need to keep on top of work and starting to revise... I've been on a field trip and ill for the last few weeks, so very very behind. Kinda like with this blog!

Well, never mind... Had a non-date date drink with unattainable boy (still in love with ex, leaving for new life in Australia in 3 months) this evening, and really edgy... Would go and kill myself in the gym, but I have a recovering sprained knee and sprained elbow, and having done a little (nurse advised) exercise yesterday, the knee might complain if I forced it this evening... It's not achey or sore, but slightly uncomfy... Oh how I want to be on a bike right now!!! Grumble.

Ah well, I have to be up (far too) early in the morning, so maybe an early night is a better plan?

I'm just not great at this whole regular blogging thing...

Hey all,

Since I'm supposed to be doing a statistics project ( - I'm an arts student... WHAT ARE THEY DOING getting me to do MATHS for 5% of my year's grade?!?! - ) I've decided to blog instead.

Boy problems are back again with a vengeance...

I'm talking to the ex again, which is throwing up a tonne of unresolved issues, but that's the least of it...

I've got one boy who everyone (including him) thinks I'm going out with... He's a bit older than me, but we've got a lot of friends in common, and very 'relationship-y' - which I'm SO NOT... flighty and fickle are words definitely applicable to me in this context, and I'm getting grumpy and starting to think about bolting. Which is wierd as I'm trying to Not bolt, as it'll hurt his feelings and make me the queen bitch in the eyes of everyone else!

Add onto this the fact I'm going home to a complicated friendship which is much much more than that and a boy who's so totally my type, but not over his ex-girlfriend and a bit of a wanderer... I'm falling hard and fast for the latter, and I just don't know how to go about carrying on with the situation. I want to get our friendship back on track after a drunken night where we both did more than we planned, and I'm not sure how to get back to where we were before...

But it'll all be fine. It's holiday time... and once this stats project's out of the way I can get back to working out exactly how to cope with my - once again hugely complicated - life of love... ;-D

I think I might pack up my desk in the library now and head to bed...

Xxx

After a term spent Trying to work...

I'm back on the blogging bandwagon...

Partly due to a renewed vigour in my search for some sense of sartorial self

and Partly due to my need to procrastinate Further from an essay on medieval death. There's only so many descriptions of leprosy one can read...

So...

In the past two months I've:

a) gotten addicted to granola, blueberries and aubergine dip mixed with sweetcorn

b) lost almost a stone in weight - finally listening to my doctors saying 'you've got a small frame... your bmi may be fine, but you're going to bugger up your joints even more than they already are if you don't eat right and excercise...' oops! - the coupledom / illness / first year of uni / depression weight is going, I'm eating healthily and I'm just about starting to get on track exercise-wise... WOO!!!

c) realised i'm much happier without boy-drama, cut ties and am contented and de-stressed with my group of close close friends who i love more than anything in the whole world, and my 'friend-with-benefits' when I'm home for the hols ;-D

d) realised my wardrobe's undergone a radical switch away from my mother's loathed 'earth mother' dresses and bright, baggy, eye-catching fare to a more slimmed down, classic, still adventurous and slightly eccentric, self-possessed air-ified stance on the whole fashion thing.

e) actually Done my work (well, apart from that one teeny classics essay... lol)

f) stayed out of the theatre more... and seen more plays as a result! David Hare at the Royal Court and The White Devil at the ADC being highlights...

g) not spent much of my weekends in cam - i realise now, more than ever, that it's neccessary for me to escape the bubble as much as possible. Whether it's just to go to the theatre, or to celebrate my birthday joint with my two best mates who turned 21 the week before my 20th, I've loved the return to the big city (or the visit to another city - Rome was such fun), where in a lot of ways, I feel like I can breathe again...

I've probably done tonnes more stuff, but those seem like the important points - right now anyway... The rest of term's looking busy - several dinners, including the one i'm organising, two shows - one professional, one as a favour, trips to london for an opera and a play, and much more besides...

Right... back to the clothes and fun! ;-D

Xxx

P.s. in an update on 'the ex' - he's still going out with rebound-girl - almost a year now, so not sure it can be classed as such, but hey... Recent photos of both parts of that couple... Not so flattering...
God how I love being bitchy ;-D

How to be a nice person...

Don't follow my example.

Fact: Playing with fire is dangerous but Oh so seductive...

The traditional love triangle has been replaced by a love parallelogram with attached venn diagrams... Everyone 'loves' at least two other people - some people know, others don't. It's all very complicated, and ultimately, somebody is going to get hurt... I don't really know how to get out from this tangled web we've woven, but the time has definitely come for damage control.

I spent yesterday with the one whose introduction into the group dynamic sparked all the complications. Realising at the end of our time together that I was being unfair and selfish if I stayed any longer - not only on him, seeing as I can see no future for us ( - I love him as a friend, find him attractive etc etc, but am In Love with one of his good friends and care more about the friends who are in love with him than about him... - ) - but on our mutual friends to whom any relationship beyond friendship of ours would be a kick in the gut.

There is something very tricky about navigating the waters of relationships between bisexual men and straight women - if a man is just gay or straight, they are easier to deal with; easier to trust. Revealing my soul to a guy who I thought had no ulterior motives - at the time misunderstanding his sexuality - I was setting myself up for this fall.

I wondered if I wished I could turn back time. If I would never have kissed any of them. If I would never have gotten involved, as a confidante, with any of them. If I would never have begun a relationship with a guy so emotionally damaged and insecure that I find myself acting like its his friend I'm in a relationship with, not him, in a bid to counterbalance my loss of control over the situation.

But I don't really wish any of that. I just wish there was a way to sort out the complications without a mess ensuing.

Wardrobe Crisis

I really do seem to be partaking in summer activities which do not exactly lend themselves to sartorial excellence... First t'was digging up a roman fort (I'm the one in the red jumper... shameful!!!)



Now, I'm wandering around with a bunch of kids wearing too tight jeans (I hate putting on weight... grumble - ) and a huge blue staff teeshirt. Sky blue loafers are shoe of choice, the bag - a huge red and black rucksack, the coat - a black waterproof... Photos probably forthcoming... It's all knocking me for 6 and am even having trouble choosing evening outfits! Though did laugh the other day when dug out clingy leopard print dress I have never worn and own only because it is a useful costume item... t'was to dress up as a leopard for a fancy dress bbq at work, but still!!! teehee.

More news, ex-boyfriend took new model to our old pub in the little bubble of a school-town we live in... I'm currently working at said school to which he went / his dad taught at etc etc, and so many people I know frequent it... was a bit of a kick in the gut. at least he didn't take her to the work's dept club - that would have been a low blow - though to be honest, I don't think he'd dare... Have seen him a bit recently, which has reminded me exactly how glad I am to be out of that relationship, but also thankful that we're still friends, and good ones. It's just the newer, prettier, skinnier, more emotionally balanced girlfriend-model thing I have a problem with these days ;-D - insecurities rock, don't they... lol.

xxxc

excitement at my first little comment! thank you! someone's read my ramblings, and this makes me warm and fuzzy feeling...
so, at the mo, life is fine and dandy, though am being a little disorganised... I go away on the weekend for a few weeks, and am also away on thursday so time is running short to get A LOT of things done. Seeing friends is fun, but I worry I won't be able to fit everything in...
Still hugely confused on the boy front, but in quite a good way. Not too worried. Realised completely over ex, which has made the summer a lot easier - cruising without constantly feeling insecure about where his head's at in comparison to mine... woo!
Clothes-wise, not been too prolific a shopper of late - though did have a mega day about a week ago... bought the most magnificent vintage dress that has since turned into quite a lucky charm... if anyone's interested (and in london) it was bought in Sam Greenberg in Kingly Court off Carnaby Street... a treasure trove!

I'm Back!

Ok, so the fact that noone's reading yet means my absence for exams has been not particularly missed, but here I am again, ready to make mundane comments about clothing, men and general crafty things...
Well, I managed a 2.1 after all my moaning, so I feel fully deserved in reverting back to my clothes obsessed old self. The love life is a little strange being that I'm being chased by one guy I have no interes tin but as a friend who really does Not need rejection now, and on the other hand, I'm trying to figure out where I stand with a lovely but very wierd boy who I'm not going to see enough over the summer to determine how things are going. It's all a bit up in arms...
However, I have no intention of letting any of this spoil my summer. There be lots of fun and games to look forward to, much of which I will probably document on here! woo!
xxx

exams are horrible

it's true. i'm trying to keep sartorial quality high but it's difficult. i just want to curl up in a hoody and pjs to be honest.
but no.
whatever power is up there won't let me.
i have to be at the uni library every day. so people.
and there's the ex factor. shall we just say he's ummmmm, a lot to live up to.
and there's the new prospect.
therefore i need to actually think what i'm going to wear in the morning.
depressing much.
especially when its rainy constantly.
sigh.
a week today...
and by the time i start, most peoople are finished... not good.

outfit post #3 - gosh, i feel this is going to be a daily thing ;-D

okay, so today i was being quite restrained... for starters - i'm in jeans! very very rare these days... but i am trying to get down to revision and my back hurts so any sense of my usual flightiness and care-free demeanour is kind of banished...

so...



i'm wearing three new t-shirts layered- a dark blue thin cotton v-neck cap sleeve top from gap, a denim blue rib vest from m&s and a grey lace short vest also from m&s... then a cardigan from men's gap, levi jeans and primark silver ballet pumps...

low maintenance low maintenance low maintence... and you know what, i got given the eye by a rather cute guy in this, so maybe i'll do a few similar low maintenance outfits in the weeks ahead - a girl's got to dress to please guys SOMETIMES ya know ;-D - and okay, so it's more low cut than i usually do... no idea why, but my wardrobe seems rather geared Away from revealing my 34E breasts to the world. i guess after so long in a relationship iv forgotten what attracts attention in the first place hehe ;-D

really though, it felt quite nice not to be done to the neck in an asexual tank or all frilly and girly in a flowery but demure dress... hmmmmmmm - food for thought

ideal man style?

okay, so i've just finished watching dr who... and while on my way back from the jcr, i had a thought - what kind of style does my ideal man have?

i don't really pay much attention to the menswear catwalks, preferring to pick up basics in menswear sales for myself (gap, urban outfitters and m&s are goldmines!!!), and not being too discerning when becoming attracted to a guy. my ex was a die hard, all black, baggy jeans wearing, metal-head... i got him into one bright orange polo shirt, and otherwise just got really frustrated with his conformity to the standard rebellious teen who likes rock and metal 'look'...

i guess so far i haven't really been exposed to guys with a sense of style in the same way many women do. it just doesn't really cross my mind, in the same way as kind eyes, strong arms, and a rather skinny build Do.

and this is now becoming a point of note in my strange brain. my latest 'date' - a.k.a. 'CbC' (cute but clueless...) - he's lovely, taking it (extreeeemely) slow, cute, and is just as stylistically clueless as my ex.

i know, for most guys, wearing the same t-shirt several days IN A ROW is not a big deal, with the same jeans, shoes, jumper etc, but i dont understand WHY?!?! CbC wears plain polos, stash (theatre production / rowing / choir / band) tops and fleeces - but there's nothing INTERESTING! and therefore, to me - nothing particularly attractive in a sartorial sense.

now i'm not dating him for his sense (or lack) of style, but i do wonder why my brain skips over the sartorial niceties when choosing who to be attracted to. i don't want to change him, but i do wonder if i can change myself. i know it's shallow, but i at least want a guy who doesn't see clothing and attitude towards style as frivolous and something to be put to one side. it's important to me; to who i am, and, though minor in the schemeof reasons, it was probably a tiny niggling thing that contributed to the whole picture of me and my ex's break-up (tiny, tiny, tiny - but reflective of our incompatibility as a couple...)

another ex of mine, is a relative cosmopolitan. this one dresses well - sleekly - in smart, mainly black, charcoal etc - as he needs to to maintain his 'image' in the world he chose to live in (he's a film producer). he gets facials (his skin is softer than mine, and kissing him was like kissing a girl his mouth was so soft... slightly creepy...) and cares about what labels are in his clothes / how shiny his shoes are / what influences he is channelling.

but that kind of self-conscious, media - world vanity in a man, i find unnattractive. so where is my happy medium?

in dr who, that's where ;-D



in all honesty, i love the unself-conscious, but damn cute brown with blue pinstripe suit, the converse, coloured shirts, unobtrusive but interesting ties, the big coats... all of it screams a guy who knows who he is, and has a style identity he is comfortable with. he doesn't have to try too hard, but just IS. i know it's silly, but 'the doctor' is HUGELY intelligent too, gorgeous etc etc... why can't i find a guy like this! (okay, without the alien bit hehe)

it's the smart-but comfy, slightly public school, but with an edge, a sense of humour, that i know i find attractive, but just can't seem to find... so i settle. as its not REALLY that important how a guy dresses... right?

in all honesty, the best dressed guys I know are not all gay. some are.

my friend 'M' manages to carry of some out there stuff, mainly because he is S-K-I-N-N-Y... as in, Seriously so... and he knows how to dress for his frame. being gay means he has more freedom i guess, to wear things like v neck tees, stripy jeans, skinny scarves...

but my male style icon, is my best friend, 'Dodo', we shall call him. totally straight, skinny, but built, blonde and slightly awkward. he grew up with academic parents at oxford and has a lot of female influences in his life, after his dad passed away. he knows how to sew, and find a bargain. and while he is a bit of a spend-thrift, buys interesting, good quality stuff, that really suits him and his personality. this boy wears no jeans, instead - cords, and suit-type trousers with shirts and jumpers. he uses colour, and wears everything with confidence. he has a lot of formal wear, but even in that, always looks slightly dishevelled. he wears vintage military coats, denim bomber jackets and silk scarves... not too dandyish, no trace of emo, and not particularly preppy... just him. if there was any sex-spark between us, he'd be the perfect boyfriend hehe. i love his style, cos its so distinctly Him.





thats what i think is missing from so many guys my age (and older). and thats what i think i need to find in a boyfriend - on top of the sensitivity, strong arms, GSOH, tall stature etc etc. because to find a guy with confidence in a style that suits not only him, but me, is to find a guy who works on my wavelength...

here endeth the lesson ;-D

seeking sartorial solution

As a nineteen year old student on limited income, seeking sartorial solutions to a broken heart or to anything for that matter may seem odd. yet to me, it is the most natural of outlets for emotional stress. the creative element in dressing allows me a degree of eccentricity, emotional expression and outlet for frustrations and energy that might otherwise be bottled up.
Being at a prestigious, high pressure university, where everything is focussed on the contents of your mind, there is a surprising freedom of sartorial expression; something to be found elsewhere only (in my experience) in my other home, London. Spending a lot of time thinking about clothes, however, is frowned upon. Yet it is something I still do. To the delight of friends around me who seem to enjoy my excesses of flamboyant dressing.
Now broken hearted and skint, I have nothing to do, but look into my soul and pour out even more of myself into the fashions I wear. Stress relief it is, and without it, I would feel less in control, less able to keep on day to day.
A potted history: a girl met a boy, girl and boy bond through times of trouble through mutual respect and bloody good sex. they are complete opposites, but while together, living nearby, they work. very well. yet when university separates them six hours apart, the differences shine through, and the relationship fails at this new hurdle. boy is hurt when girl finishes it, but less than two months later takes up with new girl - whom old girl feels is skinnier and prettier than she (being a size 12-14, 5"9, rather striking, but certainly not pretty girl of 19). old girl knows that she must rise above hurt and strike out anew. there has always been a passion for aesthetics, clothing, art, drama and other varying delights of the visual variety, but now she is spurred on.
One thing boy used to say he loved, was that girl didn't dress like everyone else, had her own style, and the confidence to carry it off.
In these times of stress not only from the breakdown of a relationship which kept me going over a very difficult period in my life, but also from an incredibly large amount of work as yet undone, I intend to make every day a happy one, and one, not small element of this, will involve armour plating in the form of style, grace and fortitude.

Now that that's over, I can quickly summarise my style and what I seek...

Eccentric, changeable magpie. Fond of bright colours, but not if they are going to show up sweat stains. Wears dresses as often as possible. Sworn of trousers due to figure.
Thrifter, ebayer, passionate clothes historian. Theatre costumier. Never without lipstick, mascara and concealer.
Balances out strong features with stong clothes and strong attitude.
Bolshy, emotional and confident on the surface. Mass of nerves, worrier, highly emotionally fragile ME sufferer underneath who used to say sorry at the end of every sentence.
Respected by friends for direction, hard-work (not neccessarily on academia) and confidence to wear things which are not the norm.
Can't say no. Spends money like water. Spoilt by well off parents before university. Now finding it difficult to budget with clothing binge to balance emotional upheaval habit.
Quicksilver style, Large breasts, thighs and booty. Nice hands and decolletage. Fondness for metallics, summer dresses and belts.

xxx