Puffing and Padding

I was in Camden yesterday, shopping with the complication mentioned in my last post, and we went into Cyberdog.

Now, while I'm not a big one for the London clubbing scene, I can occassionally be a bit of a raver. This situation is more from lack of time, money and energy than a lack of wanting. So visiting cyberdog is always a lesson in restraint.

But yesterday, I almost gave in. Most of the stuff, one wouldn't wear outside of a place like Fabric, but a pair of trousers really caught my eye. Ludicously expensive they may have been, but relatively on trend they were too...



ok, so they are quite possibly hideous - but with a draped grey tank top or a bright shirt, I think they could work...

How to be a nice person...

Don't follow my example.

Fact: Playing with fire is dangerous but Oh so seductive...

The traditional love triangle has been replaced by a love parallelogram with attached venn diagrams... Everyone 'loves' at least two other people - some people know, others don't. It's all very complicated, and ultimately, somebody is going to get hurt... I don't really know how to get out from this tangled web we've woven, but the time has definitely come for damage control.

I spent yesterday with the one whose introduction into the group dynamic sparked all the complications. Realising at the end of our time together that I was being unfair and selfish if I stayed any longer - not only on him, seeing as I can see no future for us ( - I love him as a friend, find him attractive etc etc, but am In Love with one of his good friends and care more about the friends who are in love with him than about him... - ) - but on our mutual friends to whom any relationship beyond friendship of ours would be a kick in the gut.

There is something very tricky about navigating the waters of relationships between bisexual men and straight women - if a man is just gay or straight, they are easier to deal with; easier to trust. Revealing my soul to a guy who I thought had no ulterior motives - at the time misunderstanding his sexuality - I was setting myself up for this fall.

I wondered if I wished I could turn back time. If I would never have kissed any of them. If I would never have gotten involved, as a confidante, with any of them. If I would never have begun a relationship with a guy so emotionally damaged and insecure that I find myself acting like its his friend I'm in a relationship with, not him, in a bid to counterbalance my loss of control over the situation.

But I don't really wish any of that. I just wish there was a way to sort out the complications without a mess ensuing.

Bette, Boots and Bondage

As the below post intimates, I'm not a big fan of the modern 'celebity' culture... but I do like to look back, and appreciate the styles of stars gone by. They just have so much more class, talent and style...

A case in point, for me, at the moment is Bette Davis. These three pictures all exude a charisma and attitude which combined sum up, in part, this season's mindset. I'm going to be finding that long lost copy of 'Of Human Bondage' as soon as I've finished making a cup of tea!

Minus Jeans - Plus Harem...

I normally am quite apathetic about Lindsay Lohan, but browsing some old pics, it truck me that this studio photo, minus the jeans and plus the balenciaga harem pants I posted yesterday as an inspiration pic, would be so perfect... I love the details on the shirt and tbh even the jacket off the runway would look great... I really want to get hold of a pair of trousers like this - they're much more flattering than the jodphur look i think, though still taking leaves out of the same book.

Rethinking - for the new term...

Now, I know it's only mid-august, but I've been doing a lot of attitude shifting the past few weeks, and while I've been experimenting little with the clothes I put on my back day-to-day, in my head, I've been conjouring visions of the future... namely, visions of my sartorial self come October when I head back to the 'bridge...

So, I'm taking inspiration from this new vision of black, charcoal and leather clad amazon woman - burberry prorsum and anna sui especially, with a little bit of balenciaga and YSL thrown in...

I've grown up a lot this year at uni, and moving on from the emotional rollercoaster that were my final years at school, I've grown into my identity - but it is still evolving. And, I like to keep with the times. My weight has crept up admittedly, and I'm hoping that with the incentive of a new look and a new attitude to academic work and play time this term, I'll be able to work a bit of the dominant mood... not much more of the earth mother for me after this summer - at least for a while.

So - the major images of inspiration at the mo:


- Anna Sui



- both Balenciaga



- Burberry Prorsum

Once I've got the ball rolling with the fitness kick, and have had more fun playing around with fashion's new "mood" - I shall post some pics and thoughts, reflections, reactions etc...

JOYOUS!!!

Hope all's well!

still languishing...

in the land of camp-leader uniform... managed to fashion a cloak out of the same piece of blue velvet that was last seen out as a toga for the harry potter themed partay last night... apparently I was from Beauxbatons school, though the french accent didn't exactly keep up with the explanation... clothes still so boring and ill fitting they make me want to cry (though I have rediscovered a pair of diesel khaki dungarees that I've never worn due to their deep V split when worn up, but when worn down are just the right degree of practicality for working with these little demons...
to top it all off, today i smell... a hot london will do that to you. i'm off to roast in front of the tv now. (GOD I'm so darn BRITISH!!! teehee)
xxxc

a photo of my very very rushed improv outfit for abovementioned party...

Wardrobe Crisis

I really do seem to be partaking in summer activities which do not exactly lend themselves to sartorial excellence... First t'was digging up a roman fort (I'm the one in the red jumper... shameful!!!)



Now, I'm wandering around with a bunch of kids wearing too tight jeans (I hate putting on weight... grumble - ) and a huge blue staff teeshirt. Sky blue loafers are shoe of choice, the bag - a huge red and black rucksack, the coat - a black waterproof... Photos probably forthcoming... It's all knocking me for 6 and am even having trouble choosing evening outfits! Though did laugh the other day when dug out clingy leopard print dress I have never worn and own only because it is a useful costume item... t'was to dress up as a leopard for a fancy dress bbq at work, but still!!! teehee.

More news, ex-boyfriend took new model to our old pub in the little bubble of a school-town we live in... I'm currently working at said school to which he went / his dad taught at etc etc, and so many people I know frequent it... was a bit of a kick in the gut. at least he didn't take her to the work's dept club - that would have been a low blow - though to be honest, I don't think he'd dare... Have seen him a bit recently, which has reminded me exactly how glad I am to be out of that relationship, but also thankful that we're still friends, and good ones. It's just the newer, prettier, skinnier, more emotionally balanced girlfriend-model thing I have a problem with these days ;-D - insecurities rock, don't they... lol.

xxxc