So today is the day I post make-up free outfit photos! It may seem strange to some people that I'm bringing this up, but bear with me - I have some things to get down on (virtual) paper...
Basically, I find it really difficult to do anything in life without my ritual make-up application, and quite a lot of hair brushing, skin touching, deep breathing at the rising anxiety etc.
This probably sounds vain to most people. Obsessive concern with one's appearance? Vain and shallow right?
Well, that's what I try to avoid thinking, because underneath the surface perception of perceived defects and ugliness, that, rationally, I know are at least a tiny bit ridiculous, there is an underlying issue.
I have something called Body Dysmorphic Disorder. This is something which causes excessive concern about one (or many) perceived defects in appearance, and means I can get completely consumed by panic just by looking in the mirror for too long without any make-up to hand. It combines both obsessive and compulsive aspects, and is strongly linked to instances of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder ( - guilty as charged! ). It involves some problems with social situations, and can take over your life really easily.
For some people, it leaves them completely crippled - unable to go to work, socially interact, lead normal lives... It can become that consuming. I'm one of the lucky ones. For me, it's not too bad. I have a very low register of the disorder, that I manage easily most of the time. I had a really bad patch when I was ill with CFS / ME, and last year during exams, but most of the time, like the OCD, it is only noticeable to the people who know me well. Or who try to take photos of me! This is part of the reason I'm doing this blog... Working on photoshoots with T-B is part of my 'training' myself out of the bad reaction I used to have to cameras. So far so good.
My close uni friends only started noticing when I got addicted to Sour Skittles in the bar, and spend about five minutes sorting them into groups of 4 of the same colour (or two and two)... I then eat them in 4s, and get very protective of the little groups... I count pretty much everything (especially food) in 4s. My room mate has known for much longer, mainly because she has had to sit through many dinners where peas were involved, and I would sit for aaaages, sorting, and eating them in 4s, to her amusement and eventually, once twenty minutes passed, horror!
But it's a big decision for me to put these photos of today's outfits on here. I didn't really go out today, and noone was coming round, so I had one of my 'brave' makeupless days lol. I also tend to change clothes several times a day to cope with how I'm feeling. All part of my strategies, but it does lead to a very messy room! Hehe. My room mate jokes that I change more times in a day than she does in a week!
So. Deep Breath. Here goes.
- I wore this for a bit of twirling mid-panic attack about dissertation. Cheered me right up! ;-D - in a Betty Jackson "Two" dress, Kate Kuba shoes, Jocasi belt, ToyWatch.
- Worn for most of the day - my favourite American Apparel tri-blend tee, Warehouse skirt, Kate Kuba shoes, ToyWatch, Max C London cardigan...
That's all from me today... I'm supposed to be writing up a case study of conversion (to Christianity from 'pagan') of the landscape of a site in Northumberland... The excavation report is from the 70s and I'm dying here! ;-D
P.s. I hope noone thinks I wrote this post for sympathy / compliments... I just wanted to get it out in the open as an issue which is so rarely talked about. I tend to be quite self-depricating, and this is why... Thanks for reading this far and not writing me of as some self-indulgent crackpot! :-D